Darcaena helle

I was born into a world of hate. My mother hated my father, my father hated his family. They both hated the life they lived. When I was born, my mother probably hated me as well. She was not the kind of person suited for motherhood. Having a yowling brat was too much for her. I've been stomped, kicked, beaten, cursed at and I've had hair pulled out of my head. Bad enough she kept them for whatever reason in an envelope. The day I found THAT out was as much a shock to me at 8 years old as it was to the neighbor that she showed it to. I was raised in a world of hate. Don't be a faggot or I'll disown you. If you ever bring a black guy home, don't expect to ever come back in. Don't be a whore like your cousin. Don't stutter or I'll beat it out of you - do you wanna be a retard like Jimmy? (Who btw was brilliant, he just stuttered.) Bitch, cunt, kike, nigger, spic, wop, dyke. I grew up in a world of hate. Everyone hated everyone. Wars, gang violence, rapes - all being blasted at my childish mind by a large box. All I wanted was to watch Sesame Street. Enough! Sit down, shut up and go watch TV! Talk shows and crime shows and the worst of humanity being brought to you every hour of the day. Gossip and kvetching and music being shit these days. Your cousin can sing, shame you can't. Teachers telling me, "Well, you're pretty on the inside. Thank goodness you're smart." I lived in a world of hate. My ex-boyfriend hated me for leaving him. My husband hated me for having children and expecting him to step up to his responsibilities. The teachers hated me for telling them my child was too smart for them. The neighbors hated me for not giving a fuck what they had to say. Blacks hated me for not being afraid of them. Puerto Ricans hated me for being too Irish. I hated myself and never saw a day where I felt truly beautiful, even on my wedding day. I tried so hard to understand, to love against the overwhelming tide of hate from my own family members. They wanted too much and I began to drown. I was killed by the hatred of this world. I lost everything I had. Everything I liked, loved or owned was taken away from me. Again and again. The poison of it seeped into my soul and began to kill me like a toxin. I went to doctors. I went to shrinks. The medications themselves were killing me. One day, I got a phone call that ended my life. Literally, maybe not, but it caused the series of events that brought me to death. I hate this world right back. I spent a month on the cusp of ending my life. I said my goodbyes, packed it all up and started giving it away. I realized that in order to survive, I'd have to be reborn. People kept telling me about butterflies, but I could never be one. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't sane enough. Even if I did, there would be gardeners with pesticides telling me I didn't belong in their world. Why bother when the poison would kill me, or the boot heel of a careless passer-by? I grew wings... They aren't as bright as everyone else's, but they're mine! I learned to fly even though I've never fully transformed. I'm hideous and awful and evil and the incarnation of all things not well with the world, but you cannot deny my existence. I'm a new breed, Darcaena helle and I was born... I live... and I fly!

Flowcharts and the Art of Being Funny

Jesus Vs. the FCC

A page I follow just posted - Guess who this is??? My response was "I hope to god you're not the NSA or the FCC." After thinking about it, I REALLY hope it isn't them. I'd have a better chance with Jesus than the FCC. Page: Guess who this is??? Me: I hope to god you're not the NSA or the FCC. Page: Nope, neither, but you're sooooooo close! Me: JEZUZ??? IZZAT YOU??? Jesus: LOL, yeah, you got me, rotflmao Me: Man, you had me freaked out for a minute, lol. How you been? Jesus: Keeping busy, you know what's going on over there. Me: yeahhhhh how's THAT looking? Jesus: Not so great, but you know Dad's working overtime on it. Me: Good to know So when did you become a page admin??? I thought you stayed out of chat rooms and stuff. Jesus: Well... you know I loves me a big girl! Me: LOLOLOLOL yeah, i ALSO heard Jesus loves EVERYBODY! Jesus: I DO!! Especially on Saturday nights. DO you even KNOW how many times I had to take the wheel tonight? Me: OMG! Jesus: I TOLD you he's busy overseas! ME! ALL NIGHT! Driving those drunk idiots home... asdfghjkl;... Me: Awwwwww (HUGS) Jesus: IKR? Me: When you get some time, come visit! I just d/l the whole Floyd Discography! FCC: FREEZE!!! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THE COMPUTER!!! YOU'RE UNDER ARREST FOR PIRACY!!! Me: aw crap Jesus: Don't worry, babe. I GOT THIS! Me: ...... Jesus: No, it's all good. I turned him into a 15 year old boy with GREAT taste in music. Now he's gonna d/l some Floyd and chillax while looking at his mom's Victoria's Secrets catalogs. Me: OMG!! You're the BEST! Jesus: ... Me: YOU KNOW I MEANT YOU WHEN I SAID IT!!! Jesus: True, true.

My Store

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Hi there, I'd like to screw your girlfriend :) - Video

I love Ike - Video

Alphabet Reversi

For Stefano

Quando tutto va al diavolo, io voglio essere seduta su una terrazza ad ascoltare Mozart in vacanza in montagna ed essere dannatamente sexy tutto il giorno, perché dopo tutti questi anni mi sento destinata a morire tra le tue braccia.

Every Royal Story has a couple of peons...

When I found out that I'd be getting to chat with a developer of Royal Story, I was thrilled. The game was LIVE and it was like bees swarming. It was electric, and digital and the birth of a NEW THING. Being a table to talk to a developer is like being able to talk to a GOD. They create worlds, they design content. They are amazing, they have LAWS and they giveth and they taketh away.

I kept quiet in the beginning, but so many people were getting their panties in a bunch. Too many people in one group need to be connected by something. The ONLY thing that ties people to each other is THIS GAME.

It's gonna cause a lot of anguish and hurt feelings. It's all gone crazy, and here is why. Too many new people flooding the game. Too many connections through Facebook. Too many unneeded people. There's so many groups to choose from and I GAVE ONE AWAY the other day. It was a matter of principle. How dare you throw Andi from the group. PEONS!! Took about half an hour and the new group had about 100 people in it, and they all said NICE TO BE HERE :)

That's IT... I'm tellin' on ALL Y'ALL!!!

Blurred Lines" Feminist Parody

http://www.georgefm.co.nz/Video-Defined-Lines---Blurred-Lines-Feminist-Parody/tabid/238/articleID/153995/Default.aspx

The Creation of Technofreak™

The Profile Picture

I wanted something that would come across simple, and yet kinda creepy. I hope I got it.

The Banner.

I liked the idea of it being hidden beneath the surface. Someone has to bother to tilt the screen to see it, and not everyone will. Some people will and they won't get it, lol. I hope they like the city at sunset vibe I was going for. So, as the fore-front design is plain, Consolas (it's in honor of the good ol' days when digital design was a dream. If you could program a red floating circle in BASIC, you were a GOD). It's simple and vanilla, but barely visible, under the surface, the depth of colors, the angles, the richness... That is what should be explored. - Technofreak ~mdg~

An open letter to group admins.

You know, sometimes I want to leave this place. I just look at some of the mess in here and shake my head. Then I think, I can't wait to see what happens next. I have a serious love/hate relationship with this place. I mean, I don't go reporting. I don't even get involved with some of the little snarky attitudes. I just scrollllll on. I don't want 100 friend requests. I'm really in here looking for interesting people I can do an art edit for (just for the practice, I'm a Digital Photomanipulation Technofreak. In fact, I AM Digital Photomanipulation Technofreak but I go by the name Technofreak ~mdg~ there.

 I don't get involved with online relationships. I have my own love affairs, I stay out of everybody else's. If you need the advice of a Minister, a Witch or a Friend, I don't mind a 3AM chat while I work. My virtual door is always open to people in need. That's why I stay here, it's... a way to stay connected, you know? I wonder if I'm the only one sometimes. It all seems so normal, but I don't understand ANY of it. I wonder if the cancer has started to eat my brain; am I REALLY seeing this happen in front of me? There's a lot I really don't get! I don't understand why people allow themselves to be sad. I used to be sad, and it almost killed me. Several times. So I had to learn how to move past these things and move on. Some people can't seem to progress. I like to think that sometimes I'm part of the forward movement. I taught them something new, or gave them something else to think about. I never really give advice, but I help you to realize that you've already made the choice. I'm just a guide to help along the rough spots.

You can find me

You can find me here: http://morganadarkgoddess.blogspot.com (NSFW CONTENT) or my facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/MorganaDarkgoddessBBW
for more info about what I'm doing these days! - MDG

After sex conversation:

After sex conversation:

"Sweetie?"
"Yes?"
"Do you ever watch the pornos we make when I'm not around?"
"Sure, of course I do!"
"Really? Awwww, that's so sweet!"
"Yes! I even have them bookmarked!"
"Aww, I love you!"
"I love you too, baby."

Now, somewhere in my mind there's a triangle (obtuse scalene and YES I get the irony) which says, "Normal people don't HAVE conversations like this." The rest of my mind says, in a quiet, menacing voice, "Sit down. Shut up." Then it turns back to the original conversation and purrs, "Go on."

Wicked Fantasy by Morgana Darkgoddess