We monitor what we say and do, we look to others for correct responses. We know that if we say what's really on our minds that it would be hurtful and mean. We don't really give a shit how your day went, and we sure don't give a fuck if you have a nice day once you're out of eyesight. We bless people for sneezing when we're disgusted by the germs they've just spewed into our air space. We thank them what doing what we secretly consider to be their PURPOSE in life. You bagged my groceries? Good, it's your fucking JOB, ain't it? Our pleases are in truth 'gimmees' and our thank you's are 'about damned time's'.
I've asked people what the one thing they liked most about me was, and they usually say my almost diabolical skills at blow jobs, but a close second is my honesty. There is the problem. If for some reason you don't like me and have gotten out of my way to go do your own thing, consider yourself lucky. The me you don't like is only a tenth of the ME I am, and you SURE wouldn't like that one. So many times, I have to pause and come up with something way nicer to say to people and while I can come up with four or five horrible ones I usually try the most polite way.
People have said I have no filter but I do have them. I take the way I truly feel about things and run it under the flow of sunlight and rainbows that is the paragon of decency. Sometimes the fuck you doesn't wash off all the way. That's when people get upset with me. I know how grimy the sugar-water gets after I've cleaned my thoughts and put them out there. I'm me. There are times when even I'm amazed at how much bile is spewed, how much venom my words can drip, and I have my own reactions to it. Sometimes I shudder when I think of what I could have said or done. Sometimes I laugh and think they really do have this coming. It's that filter I keep in place that lessens the blow.
Be yourself.
Be yourself and leave me the fuck alone... I mean, heh. Um, thanks, you too.