I have a friend going through some real BULLSHIT today. Someone made a report against her with CPS, and also said the elderly mother was living in squalor and the child was being medically mistreated because she's overweight. The kid is pudgy, but not MORBIDLY OBESE, you know what I'm saying?
I don't believe it, because this chick is like, super mom. She's so proud of her child, and goes maybe a bit overboard in being protective, but it's because she couldn't stand anything happening to the kid. Her ex, who is a pain in the ass actually stood by her today, so I have to give him credit for that. I'm hoping the shit storm passes. The child and mother are so nervous because they've heard the stories about kids being taken away.
Here's what I have to say.
When they check this out and see it's unfounded, I'm hoping that they file complaint charges against the person who reported them. Personally, I'd like to go on a road trip, just a to have nice long chat with the person that caused my friend this grief. I'm so angry, almost unbearably so.
I know there's a fucked up system in place. I know there are people in this government that would LOVE to get their hands on a white kid and place her in foster care. It's great $$$ for them, and the kid has a good chance of being adopted and not bounced around. A white child in the foster system is the Holy Grail of children. It would kill the mother, and it would break the child.
I deal with my own issues, and anger is one of them. I keep my stories to myself, because I don't want to share that much of my life with anyone. I don't say what's on my mind as much as I would LOVE to. I keep repressed, OH YES. MORGANA DARKGODDESS is one closed mouth, repressed bitch that lives in the darkness of her past. I'd love to say what I would REALLY like to see happen. What I would love to be able to do in this case. But I won't, because I may be crazy but I ain't stupid, you feel me?
What this all comes down to for me is a reminder that there are snakes in the nest. People you hold close are the ones who oft times stab you in the back. Who do you let get close to you when you keep your back to the wall? What does it take to prove that someone is trustworthy and won't throw you under a bus? To this day, I like to sit with my back to a wall in every room I'm in. I like to be by myself if I have to enter a small space. The kitchen of my place is small, and anyone entering behind me without my hearing sets me off. I used to swing, and I've warned people about doing that. It takes an incredible amount of control to focus and think - "This person is NOT here to hurt you." There are times when I want to swing a frying pan or throw a right hook just BECAUSE they put me in that situation.
Some assholes might think that's funny, but they really have no idea how close they were to an ER visit. I've hurt people before and for the sake of my soul I'm trying to stop and get control over these issues. The worst ones are the people that underestimate the DEPTH of my fear and self-preservation. They underestimate me because I am a fat white woman that likes to goof around and smoke weed. To be able to share with them for a second or two the immense and overwhelming DARKNESS might make them understand that they're not dealing with some bullshit "Imma BAD BITCH" female.
Goddess help me, I'm trying so hard to be normal. To be sane. Every day I'm on the border of a breakdown. I get a perverse joy out of some awful things. If I cry, it's because I'm one step away from hurting someone and I don't ever want to do that again. WHY have you gone there with me? We could have had a great time but noooooo, you had to push until I was ready to snap. It's the betrayal of it all, mostly.
Who do you let in? How many? How do you do it? WHY is it so important? I have so many questions I have yet to answer in this life, and time gets shorter every day.
